27

...man that was good. I can still feel her lips. No tongues involved, just the slightest bit more than a peck on the lips. A peck is firm almost hard...this though...this may have been the best kiss of my life. Not wet, not dry, just soft, just soft enough that you could feel the lower meet first then the tops. I backed off quickly, but it felt so good that i had to come back for a second and a third. After that I had to stop, I couldn't take it, not because I was about to do anything untoward but because I was overcome...my mind was blown. My mind is blown. 

27

   i am learning how to turn my thoughts down, which is good
   i can see how easy it is to slip as a parent. we have been sick for two weeks now, first the stomach thing, then flu, now lingering sore throats and runny noses, and the weather turned cold. I have gone from cleaning the house constantly and taking two long walk a day to leaving messes and letting gogo watch t.v., which is bad.
   i have completely secured custody of indigo, which is good.
   i can't do anything because i have to take care of her all the time, which is bad.
   i will swing back, starting today, and try to find balance.
   i am sleeping better, which is good, but i need to get off the meds, which are bad.
   i am writing again, which is good, but i am not reading to indigo enough, which is bad.
   i am talking with my parents less, which is good, but am talking to nobody else, which is bad.
 The deep blue blues don't have me yet, feet don't fail me now.

this is the funniest saddest fucking thing ever

Dec 20, 2008 7:47 AM

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Subject:

RE: Hey!

Body:

iam very sorry i am nigerian

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: murphy
Date: Dec 20, 2008 2:42 PM


get fucked in nigeria, i hope you get AIDS, you know we have the cure already, look at magic johnson. have a good time in poverty thanks

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Charly
Date: Dec 20, 2008 6:58 AM


Hey!
i was scrolling and found your profile very interesting..My name is,Charly i am single Never been married,Neither distance nor age is a barrier for me, i am looking for a serious minded,God fearing man who is ready for a commitment that will lead to a serious relationship, someone who took God first in everything he do...I would like to get to learn more about you and what exactly you looking for in a woman. Please do get back to me if you do like what you see and read.I would be glad to share some info about me with you and we can take it from there or meet me on my alternative e-mail at xlimite001yahoo. com or IM me at xlimite001 . thanks
Your New Friend,
Charly

lamp

Potters Cement
Asbestos or Steatite Wick
1.5 oz. flowers of sulphur
1 oz. burnt alum
borax
ethyl alcohol
small sheet of copper

mix thoroughly and place in subliming pot.
place a similar pot, mouth to mouth, with the first and seal with potters cement.
the pot with the mixture is to be set on a coal fire to become red hot.
( in this way the sulphur is sublimed and ascends to the upper pot as a vapor, to be depositedthere as a fixed mass).
When everything is sublimed andthe bottom pot has been redhot for approx. 1 hr., remove the apparatus and allow it to cool.
Break open and pulverize the sublimed mass to a powder.
Add half as much borax - by weight - to the powder and reduce the whole to a similar powder.
Place powder in a shallow glass basin and cover with ethyl alcohol.
Allow the spirit to evaporate slowly.
When the mass runs like a thick oil, a little is removed and laid on a redhot sheet of copper.
The mass must melt like wax (without smoking) then it is ready. If it still smokes, more ethyl alcohol must be poured into the basin and evaporated as before( repeat as needed).
The wick about (2) inches long and thick as the biggest piece of quill. The material is asbestos or white fibrous gypsum (steatite) bound with silk thread.
Place the prepared mass in a strong glass (for the purpose).
Insert the wick and let stand for 24 hrs in hot sand or oven.
Pull the wick up and a sufficiently large lamp chimney is made so that it is only slightly exposed on top.
Pour in the mass and place the mass in hot sand or oven till the mass melts and collects around the wick. 
Lite.

1

   I am so fucking antsy. In the past I have always sought the geographical cure   - pack a backpack, leave town, pack a backpack, leave town. There is too much now, for me to leave, I can't leave.
   Being stable isn't something that I am good at. I have adjusted to it, to the point where I don't resemble myself. I am a schitzo. There is nothing on the outside that matches the inside anymore. 
   There is no closure, no reconciliation, no serenity. I am at odds with myself. How did I get myself here? Maybe I can go. It will take six months to wrap things up, make it through winter.
   That has never worked before, why would it cure me this time?...33. I've got 33 more till 66, I need to have it figured out by then.

sick

   Its odd to fuck in complete darkness especially with a head full of alcohol. Its like its not even real, like shindler's cat? schnieder's, sorloft's? quantum physics, whatever, you know if you can't see it, is it really there? you would think you would want to see. you would think you would need to see because if you're fucked up how else can you remember?
   The next morning she was gone before i woke up, but that indian was still there. I couldn't stand laying there looking at her. It wasn't that she was hideous, it was that i knew she hated me. I went downstairs and made coffee, got a book and went to the front yard to sit and read. It was hours before she finally came out. I said good morning and looked back down at my book, Issac Asimov the Foundation trilogy. Its a good time killer, slow start but you can't put it down by the time the Mule appears. She said 'well, I'll see you later' and stepped out the gate. "thank fucking god, i need a shower" i thought. I went back upstairs and saw the upside-down, bloody hand prints on the wall above my pillows. 'VAL!!!!!!!!' i yelled for my roomate and best friend at the time. COME HERE AND LOOK AT THIS!! "
"thats sick murphy" she said.
"yeah" i said
"you wanna walk over and get some breakfast?" 

aaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!

I have seen an avalanche. I roll my own cigarettes. I've lived in virginia, oklahoma, texas, colorado, montana, california, north carolina, missouri, arizona. I've spent months of time in Mass, Fla, WV,NY,SC. I have driven through Mexico, Guatemala and Belize and into Canada. I have been a mechanic, a waiter, a meat salesman, a house flipper, a lumberjack, I have snowboarded for a living, I have picked pecans and I have managed an office. I have petted a bear in the wild, I have been homeless on multiple occasions, I can do a kickflip, I have ridden in Limos. I have broken down in more places then I can remember, I've had a tooth punched out. I have been with four women at once and I have given up in the middle of jacking off. I have been in Times Square for newyears, I have given away thousands of dollars, I have been excommunicated twice, I have drank rumnog on a carribean Island. I have prayed to God and to the devil. I have snorted cocain through one hundred dollar bills and I have sold my blood to buy the cheapest booze, I have sailed in the atlantic and the gulf. I can climb straight up. I've surfed in the pacific, I have sailed off a cliff on engineer mountain, I have been on the Empire State building before and since the twin towers fell, I have ridden on a bus in San Fran all night because I had nowhere to go. I have ridden my bicycle hundreds of miles on the blue ridge parkway. I have won a race, I have lost a wife. I have friends who would die for me and family who won't speak to me. I have seen El Cap, strolled the French Quarter and hiked the Grand Canyon. I have a daughter who is a heartbreaker. - ...the bacons burning.

yep

   you can confiscate another persons coolness, make it your own, ruin it, then go back, when it all sucks, and do it again. you can do it when they are in the best places in the world. you can steal the place, you can even confiscate another persons dreams. you can take everything, over and over till they have nothing left and you have ruined what they did have. after that they really are lifeless pieces of shit and you can call them that, if you want to.
   one thing that i learned is that people will do what you tell them and that human nature is to suffer the sufferable. If thats true, and it is, and you can take patiently, with care to not take too much too fast, you can take everything.  

 

flyers

   flyers, thats what his name was on the playmaker screen. jesus christ i hate that guy. he must know everything about fucking everything. I sat next to him one time, only one time, he was a condesending condecending (?) prick. I struck up a conversation, self degrading because of his scores. He acted like I shouldn't be there, like he should be there but I shouldn't need it.
   "like you know shit old man" I said.
   The sign on the door said 'welcome to the Barbary, we've up'd our standards, up yours' It was a pretty good dive except for the fact that the locals thought they owned the place.
   "I hate a loser, fucking drunk who thinks his war stories are the worst. Who hasn't been homeless? Who hasn't had to hustle? Who hasn't been heartbroken? Who hasn't sold their plasma so they could buy some booze? Who hasn't shot-up or smoked fucking crack?! YOU haven't, you self-righteous piece of dogshit!!"
   How the fuck is a drunk not a good enough drunk? I'm not going back there.
   It's not like there wasn't fifty more spots downtown. 

h

fuck. tylenol pms, melatonin pills, nyquil and allergy caps, no dice...jack off, smoke a cigarette, read a book - The Third Secret, it's really not that good - Dan Brown wannabe, 3:16...thats the time not John.hahahahahaha great, good one murphy, outdid yourself, as usual.